We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My breasts were aching with rage.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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