i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize