i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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