id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
