24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
