He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
