If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize