I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
