oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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