it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
