He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
