Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
