I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
