Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
