I cannot find my penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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