my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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