I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
