I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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