The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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