She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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