He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
