i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
