May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
