I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
