Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
