Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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