she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
