I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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