If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
