There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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