my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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