I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
