pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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