i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
