Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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