Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The best revenge is premature balding
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
