My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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