Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
