Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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