you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize