You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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