he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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