Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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