I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
