Plan B is the new Plan A
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
