I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
