farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
