adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize