my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
