Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you win again, gameday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
