this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
