I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
