Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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