I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize