So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize