oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
