i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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