There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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