nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
