fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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