Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
