whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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