On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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