woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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