I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
