Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
