I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
