Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
