Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
