Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
