spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
