WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
