She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
