i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
