His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
