Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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