You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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