Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
