she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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