Just fell off a train. Bad.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
