She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You left your phone here
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