Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
