He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
